My thoughts at this precise moment making little to no sense.
I’ve been meaning to write something for a while now. A long while, actually. Just seems like too many things bouncing around this head of mine to write anything that makes any sort of sense. In the past two months, I can honestly say everything has changed. I recently felt like I had no idea who I was and it was a bit scary. Only now I realize that I just didn’t recognize who I’ve become. I’ve changed and I’ve grown so much from the person I was yesterday. And the same way a child outgrows a pair of pants, I’ve outgrown certain beliefs and desires and people. I hope that doesn’t sound rude or arrogant, because that is not the place I’m coming from at all. Let me just ramble. My dad was in a very critical state only a few days ago. I sat in that ICU room with my brother, sister and dad. I thought about how nice it was to be with all of them even though it wasn’t under the best of circumstances. My heart became so full as I heard my dad tell jokes and stories. I thought about what an awesome weekend I had with him. I thought about how grateful I was to have him around and how scared I was to think I could also very well loose him. Want to really hear me ramble? Well here goes. I sat in that room and I thought about how nice it would be if my parents were together. I thought about how lovely a picture of us 6 would look on my dresser. I don’t know why but its been weighing on my heart how badly I’d love that picture. I’d love Samantha to have that picture too. Of course she’s the 6th person I refer too. So I sat there and thought about all that and tonight I lay here and think some of the same thoughts. I think about how lame it is that I had to de activate my face book. I think about what an awesome weekend I had with my dad before all of this shit. I think about this boy and how he always manages to sweep me back in. I think about how great it feels to be getting back to were we were. I think about how badly I want him to meet my dad, because I just know they would enjoy each other very much. I know that he would love him, well, because I love him. I think about my friends tonight and quite frankly I think about how crappy they are. That’s right, my friends are crappy. And I can be really crappy too. I think about my cousin and this talk we had over dinner the other night. And I can’t help but wish all of my friends were like her. I wish I could talk to everyone the way I talk to her. And this is my fault because I have to realize that not everyone is my cousin who listens. And not everyone is my brother who constantly reminds me he enjoys spending time with me. And not everyone is like Gaby, who keeps calling me, even after my dad got out of the hospital because were not only friends when tragic things happen. Do you think I’m crazy yet? I am also thinking about my new car now and how nice it feels to drive with the top down on the way home from doral at 3am on the empty turnpike. I enjoy that feeling very much. I enjoy the fact that my dog is laying next to right now watching as I type, as if he knew what I was writing. Anyways, I am fully aware of how insane this all sounds but I am also fully aware that nobody reads this anyways. Which is why I feel free to say the word shit and talk about my friends being crummy. Wow things have changed. Ok bye.
