Caution: Making little to no sense.
Its 5am. I have been up almost 24 hours straight. I have laid in bed since about midnight just thinking. Wondering what and who is worth it. Praying, hoping for an answer of some sort. Have you ever been around a bunch of people you may have known for years only to realize they are all just a bunch of strangers? That’s how I feel. Like I don’t know anyone. Like nobody even knows themselves. Why do we spend the time we spend investing on people who will only find the flaws in you anyways. Why do we make the effort even when we know what the outcome will be. Why do we bite our tongues and breathe deep rather then tell people what’s really on our minds. Why do we keep it all in for the sake of others. Walking on a tight rope, or worse, eggshells. Scared to press the wrong button or say the wrong thing. Finding that the mutt snoring next to you is the only loyalty you’ve ever known besides the guy upstairs. Mostly just tired, tired of being hurt. Tired of keeping it in, scared to let it out. On bent knees and heavy hearts we pray. Hoping we are not as terrible as they make us feel. Wishing our efforts would be remembered atleast half as much as our flaws are expoited. I’m not sure how I will feel about how transparent this piece is in the morning. However there is always a delete button or the great chance that nobody reads my stuff anyways. If you are still reading I’m sorry. I’m sorry for boring you and I’m sorry that you now know what weighs on my heart. Its awful heavy and I wouldn’t want to impose. The sun is rising on a new day right now and I wonder what will be of tomorrow after this long restless night. Ill cross my fingers and say a prayer in hopes that my 5am (now almost 6) confessions make some sort of sense. I may get crucified for this sorta thing. But I don’t care, and I also don’t care that your not supposed to start a sentence with the word “But.” Goodnight and sleep well. If you have a good friend, keep them. They are not easy to come up on. Oh, and if your still reading this, thanks. I love you.
