The other day my mom was cleaning out one of the closets in my house, and came across this sign that used to hang in front of my house every wednesday night that read “All Girls Lifegroup.” So she tossed it in my room. I have no use for that sign now. I thought about just getting rid of it, but I decided against it. Why? I don’t know. This is not some nostalgic post about the good old days or anything, I just chose not to get rid of it because I figure I should always be reminded of that time. Wednesdays used to be my fridays. I looked forward to them so much. I would rush out of work at 6pm, buy food for 20something girls, clean my house, clean myself and occasionally pick some people up all before 730 when the doorbell started ringing. We would do our thing I’d usually give the message, pray, eat wait for people to leave then clean up after the piggies and prepare for next week. It was hard, but I loved it. And I look back almost 2 years later and I am thankful for that time but I also know that I could never do that again. I remember hearing about 20 something different problems and people excpecting all the right answers. As much as I loved it, I had too many people who sucked the life out of me. they expected perfection from me, when I was anything but. They wanted the right answers, a nice word every wednesday, a ride to church, a mentor, a friend, a big sister, and the liberty to call me at any given hour of the day. I loved it, until I began to realize I had given up my life to be someone other people expected me to be. I did It because I loved those girls and god knows I would still kill for any one of them. But I grew weary. My relationship fell apart, my schooling was nonexistent and my work was not even a priority. Sammy was born around that time and one time during worship I remember holding her in my arms and it was a really beautiful moment. And in that moment I realized that too many important things in life had taken the backseat, and she wasn’t about to be the next one. So a few months later I shut it down. It was a combination of a lot of things. But mostly, I just felt that season was over. I look at my life now and I am only close to a very few number of those girls. Most of them faded when they realized I was normal or when they found other people to obsess over. And that’s fine. I still love every one of those girls. Its just crazy how life changes on you. That saying that says Day by day nothing changes, but when you stop to look a year later everything is different. I used to encourage girls to pray out loud and share the word, and I myself couldn’t even mumble out a few sentences if you asked me too. I believe in a loving and caring god who died for me,but I don’t believe in 80 percent of the stuff I used to preach on. My life is different, my beliefs are different. My goals, my thoughts, everything has changed. I feel like I’ve grown up a lot and I’m happy in were I am at the moment. Because although that time is gone, I will always look back on it with fondness and gratitude. I will always be grateful I was able to help others. I won’t ever discredit those two years although a lot of times I wanted to throw in the towel and use curse words. I felt unappreciated for an entire two years of my life but I also was used by god to do something great. A lot of us got our beginnings on those wednesday nights. A lot of us preached and prayed and formed friendships, myself included. I look back now and every tshirt made, every bookmark printed, every pizza box bought, every night I stayed awake studying, every little series we did, every activity, from that awful life group skit to that awesome night we spoke against abortion. From the secret santas to celebrating every birthday. It was very much worth it. And all of those memories and all of those people are forever engraved in my heart.
